Labels....What you read into them

I haven't posted in a week because I haven't been inspired until now. You will find that my blogs will most often be about something I believe or am passionate about. Well, I have found a topic which I feel great passion and inpiration, recently adressed by Ann Coulter in her latest book, "Guilty - "Victims" and their assault on America".....where do I begin?

Having not read the book and only versed on excerpts shared by Ms. Coulter during visits on talk shows, of course only on the shows which have been deemed "allowed to interview Ms. Coulter", I do not profess to speak from a place of full knowledge on her writings. The limited information I have from her interviews has been enough to remind me of how humans continually "label" others and form stereotypes to support those labels.

Ms. Coulter has a huge grievance with "single mothers" and what she calls a "selfishness" in being a single mother and the injustice to the children. She quotes that "70% of all incarcerated individuals come from single mothers", I will acknowledge that as a staggering statistic. The statistic I would be interested in learning would be what about the general population? What is the research on that? I don't have extensive research to support my perspective on single or solo parent homes.....what I have is personal experience and observations of many other single parent homes and the results they have achieved.

Nuclear families....what exactly is the definition of that? The term dates back to 1924, but became more prevalent in 1947 and beyond. George Murdock describes nuclear family as "The family is a social group characterized by common residence, economic cooperation and reproduction. It contains adults of both sexes, at least two of whom maintain a socially approved sexual relationship, and one or more children, own or adopted, of the sexually cohabiting adults." So, essentially, a man and a woman who are married to each other and live in the same house, can financially meet their commitments, have at least one child (adopted or birthed) and have intercourse with each other. So, marriage, house, child, sex and bills paid. Narrow criteria but no reference to children's success or happiness or even the more important presence of love.

First, I would like to clarify the use of the term "Single Parent", which more represents the marital status of the parent then their job description. If children have two parents who love, support and contribute to their lives and upbringing, but do not live in the same house - those are single parents. But, in the situation where children only have one parent who has the total responsibility for them, that is a solo parent. It really helps to distinguish between the two in considering not just the results they have achieved but in the statistics published.

The challenges in single parenting are many for the parents and children. There are essentially two homes, two incomes, often two families-two lives for the children to live. I do not proclaim to know the intricacies of being a child or parent in that situation. What I can state is that I have seen and known many children and adults who have achieved great things coming from single parents.

Solo parent homes have a different set of challenges to which I am well versed. One income, one parent, and for the good and the bad - one life. That one parent has the entire responsibility but also the autonomy in decision making. There is no fight in where the kids will attend school, what religion they will be and no confusion or playing one parent against the other. I have seen and so gratefully experienced successful children and young adults coming from that situation as well.

Those differences and definitions discussed, I resent Ms. Coulter's proclamations and attacks against single mothers and the results which they can achieve. Is it a harder road than the road travelled by parents and children of "nuclear families"? That I cannot qualify. I personlly would rather have a home filled with love and a focus on the chilidren, encouraging them to be responsible, productive and contributing individuals...no matter how many adults/parents reside in it.

I appreciate and respect that Ann Coulter has a right to think, write and spout her views on parenting, both nuclear and single. What I respect more are the many woman and men who work every day to provide loving homes for their children and encourage those kids to achieve the most they can; I appreciate the masses of children and young adults who have learned great lessons and values from those parents and finally I love that we are in a country that allows us all the right to think differently, write publicly opposing different views and spout our personal opinions. I just wish we didn't have the continual need to "label" groups of people in an attempt to prove all of those opinions....how about we just find ways to support everyone - single, solo, nuclear....aren't we all family?

With Love,
A Solo Mom

Right to Privacy

For many years I have been baffled by the insensitivity in American society. There is a widespread opinion that Americans have the right to know everything, even at the cost of someone else's privacy and or feelings. When did one individual's right to know override another individual's right to privacy? A recent example of this is the tragic death of Jett Travolta, the sixteen year old son of John Travolta and Kelly Preston. Within hours of being pronounced dead on arrival at a hospital in the Bahamas, there were news releases, blog discussions and CNN interviews discussing the cause and possible contributing factors in his death. Why is it any of our business?

Was the young Travolta's death connected in any way to his parent's careers or fame? No. Then why does it become news to release and dissect? It is sad whatever the cause. To analyze his medical diagnosis or treatment and even attack the family's faith is beyond intrusion, it is a blatant disregard for their loss, their feelings and their right to privacy.

I'm sure that my own personal experiences have made me overly sensitive and considerate of situations like the example above. I remember being a young mother widowed at 27 and being asked by the newly hired pool man, "How did your husband die?", to which I responded, "He asked me too many questions". Was that the nicest way to handle it, probably not, but it really wasn't too nice of him to disregard my feelings and pain in order to satisfy his curiosity. And, on a side note, the pool man stopped asking me personal questions after that.

Whatever the situation is, maybe we should all pause and ask ourselves - Do the details in this situation really impact my life or am I asking the question to satisfy my Puritan interest? If the answer is the latter, then the question should go unasked. It is time to let people, whether they are famous or not, have their privacy, feel their pain without scutiny and not become topics of news for things that are not any of our business.

The Puritan's idea of hell is a place where everybody has to mind his own business. ~Wendell Phillips

~May God help everyone dealing with deaths recent or long past....it is never a situation without pain and loss.

The heat is on....

How do you define pressure? Start a blog and within the first two days, invite people you know to "follow" your blog? If that isn't stressful enough, try adding: your eighth grade English teacher, the love of your life and your favorite professor from college who could write circles around Ogilvy and Burnett. Now that is my definition of pressure!

When telling one of my closest friends in Oregon that I had invited her to follow my blog, she started rattling off all of the the cool things possible with blogs - like adding photos, linking to music, embedding graphics and creatively formatting the solution to carrying on the out-dated conversation in person or on the twentith century fad of talking on the phone. I quickly stopped her and made it be known that my blog would not be that kind of blog, so she should lower her expectations before becoming one of my followers-I am just a baby blogger, just beginning to get my balance as I toddle through this maze and gain my confidence to pick up speed and begin to add on the extras.

So, as I take the leap and go from my faithful and supportive follower of one (the best and most important one), I invite fifty people I hope will pacify this baby blogger by following this blog long enough to develop a taste for What's Amato With You?

Here's the Reality....

It was recently pointed out to me that I often begin a sentence with "Here's the reality". Maybe this is because I strive to be a person who deals with the reality and not the illusion of what I would like the situation to be in life. Stephen Covey lists Habit #5 in the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as, "Seek to Understand, then be understood". Wouldn't we all be so much happier if we sought the reality of the situation and worked to understand the people involved instead of spending so much wasted time trying to make sure everyone around us understands us and getting frustrated when they don't? WWJD....isn't that just another reminder to step outside of our humanly selves and seek to understand and care for the other person? Something I have realized is that if we spend enough time looking for the reasons and appreciating the results, we don't beat ourselves up so much for all the mistakes along the way. That is reality.

XOXO yourself and everyone else will follow.....

Day Two...A great day to begin...

Well, I began on another site...but that didn't work out so well. I think that is a great lesson in life, if something isn't working, then face the fact and move on. It saves a lot of frustration and energy. Is it going to be a family blog...I don't know. Is it going to be a political blog...probably not. Is it going to be a funny blog...hopefully a little. Most of all, it is going to be an outlet for me to write......about my family, about politics, about funny things...about life and all the beauty it holds, the mystery, the drama, everything that makes it good.

So many titles, so little time...some of the finalists were: Confessions of an ex-Cheer Mom, I Was Young and in College-I needed the money, Remember When Cleavage Was a Good Thing?, Nobody is All Good and Nobody is All Bad and It is Possible to Be a Good Girl and Have Fun, Too.

I need to thank a special fellow blogger who got me here....she is an inspiration and God knows I have learned a lot from 18 years with her. Many of those lessons will find way onto this blog.