I haven't posted in a week because I haven't been inspired until now. You will find that my blogs will most often be about something I believe or am passionate about. Well, I have found a topic which I feel great passion and inpiration, recently adressed by Ann Coulter in her latest book, "Guilty - "Victims" and their assault on America".....where do I begin?
Having not read the book and only versed on excerpts shared by Ms. Coulter during visits on talk shows, of course only on the shows which have been deemed "allowed to interview Ms. Coulter", I do not profess to speak from a place of full knowledge on her writings. The limited information I have from her interviews has been enough to remind me of how humans continually "label" others and form stereotypes to support those labels.
Ms. Coulter has a huge grievance with "single mothers" and what she calls a "selfishness" in being a single mother and the injustice to the children. She quotes that "70% of all incarcerated individuals come from single mothers", I will acknowledge that as a staggering statistic. The statistic I would be interested in learning would be what about the general population? What is the research on that? I don't have extensive research to support my perspective on single or solo parent homes.....what I have is personal experience and observations of many other single parent homes and the results they have achieved.
Nuclear families....what exactly is the definition of that? The term dates back to 1924, but became more prevalent in 1947 and beyond. George Murdock describes nuclear family as "The family is a social group characterized by common residence, economic cooperation and reproduction. It contains adults of both sexes, at least two of whom maintain a socially approved sexual relationship, and one or more children, own or adopted, of the sexually cohabiting adults." So, essentially, a man and a woman who are married to each other and live in the same house, can financially meet their commitments, have at least one child (adopted or birthed) and have intercourse with each other. So, marriage, house, child, sex and bills paid. Narrow criteria but no reference to children's success or happiness or even the more important presence of love.
First, I would like to clarify the use of the term "Single Parent", which more represents the marital status of the parent then their job description. If children have two parents who love, support and contribute to their lives and upbringing, but do not live in the same house - those are single parents. But, in the situation where children only have one parent who has the total responsibility for them, that is a solo parent. It really helps to distinguish between the two in considering not just the results they have achieved but in the statistics published.
The challenges in single parenting are many for the parents and children. There are essentially two homes, two incomes, often two families-two lives for the children to live. I do not proclaim to know the intricacies of being a child or parent in that situation. What I can state is that I have seen and known many children and adults who have achieved great things coming from single parents.
Solo parent homes have a different set of challenges to which I am well versed. One income, one parent, and for the good and the bad - one life. That one parent has the entire responsibility but also the autonomy in decision making. There is no fight in where the kids will attend school, what religion they will be and no confusion or playing one parent against the other. I have seen and so gratefully experienced successful children and young adults coming from that situation as well.
Those differences and definitions discussed, I resent Ms. Coulter's proclamations and attacks against single mothers and the results which they can achieve. Is it a harder road than the road travelled by parents and children of "nuclear families"? That I cannot qualify. I personlly would rather have a home filled with love and a focus on the chilidren, encouraging them to be responsible, productive and contributing individuals...no matter how many adults/parents reside in it.
I appreciate and respect that Ann Coulter has a right to think, write and spout her views on parenting, both nuclear and single. What I respect more are the many woman and men who work every day to provide loving homes for their children and encourage those kids to achieve the most they can; I appreciate the masses of children and young adults who have learned great lessons and values from those parents and finally I love that we are in a country that allows us all the right to think differently, write publicly opposing different views and spout our personal opinions. I just wish we didn't have the continual need to "label" groups of people in an attempt to prove all of those opinions....how about we just find ways to support everyone - single, solo, nuclear....aren't we all family?
With Love,
A Solo Mom
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