Last night I was sharing a glass of wine with a sister-friend of 19 years, discussing kids, husbands (dead, divorced and newly wed), family and finally....friends. She shared the unbelievable and inexcusable actions of longtime friends whom she has known for over 20 years in the months preceding her wedding and of specifically the child-like meltdown one had during the actual reception. Her perspective and philosophy regarding both women was very healthy and refreshing, as she explained to me has taken her 42 years to reach this point and to which she summarized with these words, "Friends are here for a reason, a season or a lifetime....obviously, their season has past".
This is something you often hear, but last night it struck home with me as I reflected on the many friendships in my life and the reality I currently face with some of those individuals. For me, it is a hard reality to accept as I am a collector...a collector of friends that is. My closest friends are people I have known for years, one for 40 years, many for 30+, most for 18ish and a few for nine years. It is not in my character to "give up" on people and I view friendship as that daily challenge of being there for people you care about.
Maybe I view friendship this way because of the where and how I grew up...when you grow up in a small town, you have only a few options for friends, but this taught me that this is actually potential for unlimited opportunities. Opportunities to love people because you know who they really are, not just the persona they present to you...but the flawed and vulnerable person struggling to make it to the next day. Most of the people I know and love, see the good in me, even when I am not at my best, and they help me to be better through their love and support. If my love and support of them can give them that little bit of encouragement they need in facing their challenges, then how could I not be there?
So, when is the time to step back and step away? I think that answer is different for everyone and that is all part of our personal and spiritual journey. The answer has been clear for me with very few people as I hold out hope and answer every phone call and reply to every email I receive....no matter how long in between. I guess I don't ever want to turn my back on someone if there is a chance that they might need me, so I guess I will keep my eclectic, crazy, loving, frustrating at times, collection of friends. It's only been 40 years, maybe the answer will become clearer in the next 40 years!
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